I went for a drive tonight....
i drove far....
i pulled over on the side of the road to a house that was demolished
all that was left standing was this stone wall and fire place... so i walked up to it and took some pictures of it..it was beautiful.. just sitting there with nothing but rubble and dirt around it... i got back into my van and continued on my drive..i thought about that fireplace and the wall that still wondering why they left just that up and nothing else?? My mind has been trailing off alot lately.... i figured my drive, cup of tea and loud music would help clear things up in there.... i wasn't so lucky.. i ended up with a headache :S lol
When i got home my soul was still low.. so i figured i should take the dog for a walk.... we walked to the lake...around the lake..and back home.. i had my music on..i felt good.. but still my mind isn't clear..what will it take??
Why cant i just have a normal brain that works like a brain should work?? I was tempted to stop by my X's place tonight....i just needed something familiar..i drove by... but didn't have the courage to go to the door... i don't want him to think i am weak and still need him.. but tonight in a sense i really did need him..or somebody..i need to feel warm inside all i feel is tears i don't understand it... Another friend passed away.. 26 yrs old gone from a heart attack..as i think about him and his family his little boy i get more upset..i have lost 3 close ppl in 8 very short months my heart hurts.... I need a hug.. i need strength..i need a friend...i need a shoulder.. I need to get my shit together so i can wake up and be super mom again in the morning......
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